The Delusional World of Egan

Sweat dripped off my face as I drove my non-airconditioned car into the Rogue Valley on September 17, 2021. It had to be over 100 degrees Fahrenheit. A feeling of dread washed over me, even though I tailed the red Jeep my mom was in. Had I made the wrong decision, what was I going to do? Would I like anyone? Would anyone like me? Should I be going to college? Will my car break down? It did, but that’s a story for another time. Every nerve in my body seemed to fight against the excitement I was trying to feel. SO, HEY! Turns out, I hate not knowing where I’m going next.

Prying my stiff back from the seat was the first thing I did as soon as that seat belt light turned off. The fifteen minutes of stretching I had done eleven hours earlier didn’t seem to help me. At least the screaming coming from my legs, hips, and back would dispute that fact.

Dazedly, I wandered through customs and arrived at the train entrance. Glancing from my phone to the map to the pay station, I was sufficiently confused as to how to use the Tokyo Metro system. A worker suddenly materialized behind me like a wraith from the shadows. She pointed at a QR code, which, after scanning, bestowed a digital SUICA card on my iPhone. Pointing at a gate, I followed that direction blindly. You know, a smart thing to do when you first get to a new country. Staring at the colors on the MASSIVE metro map, then swiping to my Apple and Google Maps, after 45 minutes of staring, I shakily got on a train. Somehow it was the correct one, don’t ask me.

Throwing all my belongings into Imano Hostel in Shinjuku, the front desk worker shared a ramen place just two blocks over. Walking around and gazing at the skyscrapers encompassing me, I found myself walking through some tori gates and into a temple’s courtyard. Peaking over the edge of the park, various shoebox-sized establishments were stacked on top of each other. Alleyways no bigger than two people shoulder to shoulder, connected to the establishments. I somehow made it to Nagi Ramen with stairs akin to a ladder behind a door I had to bend down to get into. At the top of the stairs, a lady ushered me in, pointed me at a machine with buttons. My money went in, a button was pressed, and I was shooed back outside. Eventually, I found the queue for food and waiting patiently, as my eyes began to flutter.

Inside Nagi Ramen, there couldn’t have been more than eight seats. That might be too many. On the opposite side of a small window and bar, three people were quickly passing ingredients, liquids, and noods and within three minutes of sitting down. Hot golden soup, drowned noodles with greens ovals, two anchovies, and a giant wall of seaweed were served to me. “Itadakimasu” was exchanged between the chef and me. Very fishy and umami-forward, the ramen had filled my stomach, which I hadn’t realized was empty.
Returning to my bed, I was determined to stay up until 10 pm to try to fix my jet lag. The last number I remember seeing was 7:45… Until I saw the number 4:07, then 5:18, then 6:10. I couldn’t force myself back to bed. I got up, and the rain had started.

     Streets cleared of any litter or debris greeted me as I started wandering. Three things were on my mind. “I’m in Japan!” then “When do things open?” and finally “Where do I get a new camera?” The camera resale store I had initially chosen to go to was Fujiya Camera, until I realized that this store was an hour and a half train ride away from me. The silent streets lead me to Shinjuku Public Gardens, the closed oxidized teal copper gates intrigued me, and I added it to my list of places to go. Seven am hit, and I had to go get breakfast and proceeded to research what to do in Tokyo. This trip is me arriving somewhere and just figuring it out.

     Paralysis was my best friend the first few days in Tokyo. Not knowing what to eat, so just starved until I forced myself into an establishment. Letting my curiosity take me until I felt lost, then quickly looking at my maps feature to show me what to do. It was like the donkey and the water paradox. There is water placed equally distance from the donkey, but instead of going to either the donkey dies of dehydration. A feeling I know all too well, but a feeling I deeply hate. Is this what transitioning to a Megacity feels like after living in a town of 20,000 people for the past four years?

     11 am was when the camera store opened. So at 9 am, I made my way back to the copper gates of Shinjuku Gardens. Strolling through the Mother and Child gardens, I was reminded that Asia has giant ass spiders… NO thank you… I AM A-O-KAY! Truly, I have realized these spiders are chill. Exploring this massive park in the rain was a treat. Fall was in full effect in Japan; the maple leaves were a deep cherry red, fallen yellow leaves crunched below my feet, and the rain was pattering on the umbrella I borrowed from the hostel. Yes, I am an Oregonian who used an umbrella, don’t judge me, I didn’t bring a raincoat.

     Elevator doors opened to reveal aisles of cameras. I had chosen the Sony Floor, but quickly I realized Sony has too many expensive models for me to buy. Then an army of camera equipment greeted me as the number four dinged on the elevator. Almost as if the camera knew I was coming up, it was right there. The front case of the cannon floor, an Olympus Pen. I looked around a bit more, but back home, I have a Canon 80D, and Canons tend to be chunky, so I wanted a new brand. Searching for about 20 minutes, I ultimately returned to the modern camera that incorporated elements of film cameras into its design. A 14-44mm lens was attached to the body; it was lightweight and thin enough to put in my pocket. Excitement filled my sore joints as I walked through the rainy alleys.

     *Click* the sound of my shutter could be heard as I wandered to Meiji Jingu Shrine. Stepping through the gargantuan tori gates felt like entering a different universe. A haze from the rain arose out of the earth like spirits leaving the ground. The drizzle turned into a sprinkle as I paid ¥500 to get into the garden. Meandering through the initial maze, I made it to a pond where a crane was hunting for its next meal. Lush bushes lined the paths, and the rainfall made all the green pop. A well was nestled far in the back of the garden, washing my hands and thanking the well, I made my way back out.

Passing giant sake kegs fermenting, I made my way through the forest meant for giants, inside a Mega City ending at a temple. Going inside the temple, I was educated in how to give a proper prayer. Buying the incense, lighting the tips, and placing them in the Jokoro, I went to the shrine, bent twice, bowed twice, made my prayer, then bowed again. A voice suddenly came over the intercom stating that the park was closing, so I retraced my steps.

Arriving at the hostel, I saw that there were a few people going to grab drinks in Golden Gai. I agreed to meet up with them, so it turns out. Golden Gai was the shoe box place that I had gone to the day before. It is famous for having unique tiny bars that locals go to drink at… well, where locals used to go drink. Just like anything else unique, it is now overrun with tourists. Soon our bar was stuffed with ten people, I’m 90% sure that this place was not meant for more than six people.

Talking with the two mates, I found out that one was Swiss and the other was Israeli, but he has travelled the world for the past five years doing various projects and jobs. I joined them for one more drink, then had to call it a night.

Waking up at 5:25, 5:58, 6:15, then… UHG Jet lag sucks ass. I woke up at 7:15, and my body would not go back to sleep. Nothing opens until 10 am. Soon enough, I found myself in a matcha class in Asukasa. Well, I got lost because of Google Maps, then found it with Apple Maps. Thankfully, I am always early. However, I did freak out because Google told me it was inside a vet…

Turns out, yes, Mix does not prepare their matcha properly, who’s surprised? No one… that’s what I thought. Matcha is meant to be whisked in a W motion, then finished with an O/ motion. After eating the matcha mochi and Takoyaki, I wandered around the historical area Asakusa and exclusively ate pastries for lunch. What can I say, I’m an adult.

     *Buzz* Sliding my phone out of my pocket, I saw a text from my friend Jasmine that her tour had finished. Assuming that “We’ll be done around 1-1:30,” my dumbass assumes 1:30, so when I got the text at 12:55 while I was stuffing my face with tokoyaki, I was a bit panicked. Sitting in the Senso-ji temple, I was at least thirty minutes away from her.

     Seeing a shoulder-length brown hair and the most authentic, beautiful smile waving at me from across a crowd, I remembered… I’m meeting a friend on another Continent! As we exchanged hugs, I met her grandmother again. After chatting for a little while, Jasmine and I broke off and started wandering around Ueno Park. Peaking around at all the stalls, I spotted such a perfect gift for my old roommate Zack. Sorry, but I can’t post a photo yet.
     A shared feeling between us, or more of a shared experience, was being in Japan physically. Both of us had been wanting to visit for at least five years to experience this. A feeling of expectation, without expecting anything, but also seeing so many photos, videos, and reading about Japan. We both had a wealth of information, but knowing something is different than experiencing it… interacting with the locals, seeing the new sights, and feeling the energy around you.

     Wishing we could hang out longer, we both retired. The clutches of jet lag had not yet left us. A nap was needed before I went to TeamLab Planets. Jasmine had told me about TeamLab Borderless, but… I booked the wrong one. Well, I paid, so of course I was going to go. It just happened to be twice as far as Borderless.

     Catching three trains meant going to a much less crowded part of Tokyo. On the third train, there were fewer than 10 people in the same car as me. I wondered if I was going to a sketchy part of Tokyo… A sketchy part of Tokyo, come on, Egan. I was staying in the “Sketchy” part of Tokyo. As the elevated railway came to a stop, I looked down to see a giant black box illuminated by red, purple, blue, and green. Walking up, every type of person was in line waiting to get in, English, French, Dutch, Japanese, and Spanish could be heard. The crowd looked to be late 20s to early 30s.

     A voice boomed out of the speakers as a video started playing. Encompassing the ideals of TeamLab, the images of nature, lights, art, and humans were used to remind us how art has become so separated from people. People are meant to create and be a part of art. Tingles ran down my spine hearing their message.

     Shoes removed, water running over my feet as I walked up a ramp. Stepping into ankle-deep water, I was transported to a dark abyss where digital coy fish swam around and reacted to movements. Room after room, bright, colorful, and sensory experiences were given to me.

The Forest was an artsy section more catered towards kids, but that did not stop me from running around like a five-year-old. I drew a salamander that got projected onto the walls. 15 minutes later, after climbing on ladders and stumps, I returned to find that my SALAMANDER had taken over! There were so many of her walking around eating other people’s butterflies. This gave me so much joy. If I were Marie Condo, I would say that this place brought me joy.

After journalling/scrapbooking all the little collected papers I had hoarded like a goblin, a walk to the gay district was a REQUIREMENT! Strolling up in my long black trench coat, I had no idea what to expect. It was a Thursday in Tokyo, so there had to be something going on. Rolling up to King and Queen in Shinjuku, I of course made friends with the older queens to start. They’re always the most welcoming and katty people at the bars, and this was no different. Expats from the UK, US, and all over gathered in this area. Soon, I found myself with Luca, an absolute Italian babe. He would disagree, saying, “I’m just so shy.” Okay, sure, Luca. As the crowds wound down, Luca and I were throwing jokes back and forth until OSCAR!!! *British Accent* joined us to avoid a creepy guy. Getting out of a car like a god damn model, Isla, a Long Beach, CA baddie! Just like that, the crew was set. We had our people, and we were about to be a menace to whatever was open.

Needing to top off on energy, Isla and I made a side quest to get coffee. UM WHO! Was going to tell me that they have HOT vending machines in Japan. I bought my coffee and it was hot… Japan is truly living the future.

Turns out, The Eagle Blue was the next place to try. Loud screaming with some semblance of notes was audible from outside. As we walked in, there were cute free manga that the bar was promoting. Descending like god damn princesses, the bar tenders happily greeted us, not having much else to do. We cued our songs and proceeded to mingle with all the locals and tourists. I, of course, went into the smoking room with Isla, put on my Ausie accent, and proceeded to tell the three Americans about what I did in Brisbane. I had had one or two drinks at this point. At 3:45, Isla and I started chanting “It’s it’s cool, you can say that we ain’t nothing, but you know the truth… You can kiss a hundred boys at bars (I did), shoot another shot, trying to stop the feeling.”

Exiting the bar, Oscar and Isla made me and Luca film TikToks. I have zero idea about what they were. We did one by Ai-scream. Finally, as the clock on my phone said 5:15, I gave my goodbyes to Isla, the girl who got a full trip paid for by a guy who liked her and slammed into my top bunk.

Friday consisted of sleeping in, wandering the city, going to Tokyo Tower, and a lot of rain. Eventually, the night took a very similar turn to the previous one, however much more crowded. Meeting up with Oscar and Luca, we met Oscar’s brother and made a bunch of friends from around the world. A Duthcy, two UAE, a German, a French, a few USA people, a Mexican, and the list goes on. The gay bars were popping off, we found ourselves at a drag show, and wandered back to King and Queen because come on. The names themselves, also the two had the most people. Concluding at 4 am, I retired to my bed. I was set for a date with one Miss Fiona Anderson.

Guiding me into an eight-story Don Quixote, the colors, scents, and noise instantly started overwhelming me. On a quest for a Halloween costume, we went around all five floors, and ultimately, I did not gain anything but a worse headache. Then that was our time to depart, such a short time to see her, but always good.

I stumbled my way to Shinjuku Station and barely got a ticket for my bus to Kawaguchiko Station. Stressing that I would sleep through my stop, I willed myself to stay awake for the hour and a half ride to Kawaguchiko station. Too lazy to figure out the bus system, I just started trudging ahead towards the hostel. Thirty minutes later, the sky had gone completely dark, still pissing down rain, and I arrived at a house in the middle of a neighborhood. Haleluya Guest House, the cutest renovated house. There were FULL-sized beds! Big kitchen, complimentary coffee & tea, TV, and a Kotatsu to sit under. The rain pattering on the windows as I lay out my microwave ramen, katsu, Coke, chips, and panna cotta. The TV flickered with vibrant colors as I enjoyed the coziness of the Wild Robot.

Curling up in the warm blankets with cold air on my face, I woke up to the sun coming through my window. This time I fell back asleep and enjoyed the soft, cushioned full-sized bed that I could sprawl on. Finally opening my phone, the first image I saw was “Luzon Volcano erupted,” sending me into quite the panic. My heart started racing, combing the internet for information on how much damage was done to the island. Ultimately, the island was not devastated; some villages around the volcano itself were damaged, but I still had this feeling. A voice was in the back of my head telling me to go somewhere else.

Using a traveler’s favorite flight website, Sky Scanner, I looked up Osaka to anywhere. Then there it was, the first destination, Taiwan. I saw the price tag of a total $125 to reroute. Just as soon as I opened the website, I had a new path. The numbness in my chest started to dissipate as I scrolled for a new hostel to stay.

     First things first, I put bristles to bone and cleaned my teeth. Finding out that Japanese houses have a well above their sink that fills up faster than the water comes out. Did I assume I had somehow broken it, yes… yes, I did. Crouching to walk down the stairs, I made friends with Michael and Lawrence, the French-Canadian couple staying in the hostel. We discussed our plans for the day and went our separate ways. Until the café I was headed to was much busier than I thought, so I ended up at Café Cisco. About ten minutes later, the two of them walked in. Quickly, the politics of the US vs Canada came up after they sat down. Getting past the obvious, we talked about our trips, then compared hometowns before we all decided to bike around the lake together.

Getting back to the house, I had just enough time to start a FaceTime with Alicia, who was at our friend’s housewarming party. Everyone was dressed up in their Halloween costumes, my baby Zuko was a little bat, and everyone was laughing and enjoying being around each other. In that moment, joy twinged with sadness came over me. Seeing everyone together made my heart so warm, and I wish I could still be with them. Community, kindness, and weirdos are the best words to describe that group of people.

Two lakes bordered where our hostel was. I voiced my opinion for biking around Lake Saiko, it had less city around it and was the same distance, just a little higher elevation. OH BOY was the elevation real. Lawrence and I quickly started the walk of shame as Michael was biking circles around us. There were tunnels and bridges that we trekked through to get to the start of this road.

     Coasting down the first hill, the clouds sat perfectly in the bright red, yellow, and green leaves that painted the mountains. The air was damp with no wind that could be felt. Serenity was present as the three of us peddled around an opal blue lake. Small houses with terracotta shingles dotted the road, and occasionally, a small hotel would be passed, but mainly, nature was ever present.
     Suddenly, Michael started yelling back at us. Gazing over our shoulders, a sliver of Mount Fuji peeked through. Letting us know it was there watching us as we enjoyed the bountiful nature. Soon, a dozen people were waiting just to catch a glimpse of the iconic landmark of Japan. There was even a fat little pug; she had so many rolls and breathed so heavily! Adorable.

     Cresting our way around the lake, we stumbled upon a bat cave. Glancing at each other, we agreed to check the price. ¥300 or $1.75, we were pretty sure that the price would at least be worth it. Walking into the stale air, we searched for bats through the cave formed through lava shoots. The stalactites and stalagmites that had formed over the past thousand years were quite impressive. Ultimately, there were no bats in the cave.

     Zooming back into Kawaguchiko, we decided to check out Café Tino. The café was adorable, seating twelve people; the café was very intimate. The pressed ham sandwich and such delicious ice cream on Sunday! Caramel coated the class edges, while a waffle cookie sat atop the vanilla ice cream.

     As the sun set, I threw on my sweatshirt and started for my bike. Outside the hostel worker was burning a pile of wood, and his neighbor came out to talk. Wrinkled and wearing comfortable clothes, he was taking care of his granddaughter. Waving at her, she smiled, turned around, and shoved her face into his leg. With the limited speech, we talked about my family, his family, and of course, baseball. Explaining that my brother played baseball in university, he got excited and invited me over for dinner the next day. At this moment, a new face appeared, turning the corner of the alley. A big bag was strapped to her back, a secondary one on her chest, and a handbag. Eyes are deeply exhausted. I introduced myself, and she introduced herself as Luela from Perth, Australia. Soon, I continued my adventure to the onsen.

     Returning from the onsen, I found Luela outside smoking a cigarette and drinking a -196. Joining her for a little bit, we meandered to 711 up the street. Getting two drinks and a little sweet treat, we returned to the hostel where the host had started a fire for us. Curling up in our sweatshirts, we had a kiki about travelling, being in Japan, passions, desires, and where we want to go. Glancing down at my phone read 11:15. I retired for the night, hoping to catch the sunrise at 6 am, which meant waking up at 5:30.

     5:30 hit, I opened my eyes and looked out to see a foggy haze. My head went right back down to the pillow. Around 7:15, I attempted my quest to see Mount Fuji. Skidding down the alleyways on the red bike I had claimed, I finally emerged onto a main road. Following it past café Crisco, I rolled up to see four high schoolers pitching baseball for practice. Behind clouds covered most of the giant, but they looked like they were moving. Trusting my gut, I stayed around, calling my parents and Alicia to update them about the trip. Clouds peeled away from the mountain, Mount Fuji slowly revealed itself. Debatably the perfect mountain in terms of shape and grandeur. Fuji stands alone in power, no mountains bordering it, just the sky and various lakes dotted around the base.

     Seeing this famous landmark made me pause. Sitting in the presence of Mount Fuji, I felt like everything was going to work out. By pure chance, I saw Mount Fuji on a cloudy day, when some people never see it on a “clear” day. I took a deep breath and knew that this trip was meant for me. Manifesting the sights of Fuji, making friends, enjoying Tokyo, and accepting my anxieties of travelling made it easier to look forward.
     I made it to my bus, then to my train, and then to my hostel. It was easy; there was nothing that would endanger me or ruin my trip. For the first time, this trip transport didn’t phase me. Some day I’ll trust myself to get to the next hostel, campsite, or town without freaking out. The world is much more connected than I think.

Smile at a stranger,

Move your body,

Love yourself,

Egan